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Saturday, 10 January 2009

  • Currently: Twilight (The Twilight Saga, Book 1)

    Twilight

    Human

    Only you could get into trouble in a town this small.

    You would have devastated their crime rate statistics for a decade, you know.
    Edward Cullen, Twilight, Chapter 8, p.173

    Dear Diary,

    Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I have kind of been all tangled up in my underwear over this Twilight movie. I have been soooo addicted. help.

    They say the biggest part of getting better is admitting you have a problem. Ok. I have a problem and can't get enough of it. I am considering pawning the t.v. and oven to buy the whole series of books at full price but the last bit of common sense stops me. I downloaded the movie and have watched it six times already. Watching a movie over and over can't really be considered unhealthy....right? *ponders* I mean I am just watching it for entertainment purposes. right?

    For fun after the flood I donned my rubber pants and went wading in the creek for some smooth stones and large pebbles to use as hot stone massage stones.

    I found some really pretty ones and brought them home and cleaned them up and may do something arsty fartsy with them. Not sure yet.

    I have contacted an attorney for my pinched nerve, herniated disc, spinal disease and fibromyalgia because now when I walk more than a block or so my back bone puts so much painful pressure on my hip joints I can hardly stand it. arrgh.

    I have had a lot going on in the last couple of months. wow. I sold six articles and have again started working on the book I gave up writing a few years ago.

    I have felt really inspired lately and have been doing a lot with my life since I had to quit the job to take care of mom. Taking care of her has not been a bed of roses because well, let's face it she can be a royal pain in the neck sometimes and with all the other pain I am in right now she doesn't help matters.

    The good news is I got her blood pressure back down and the bad news is now mine is high. There is really no difference between a long and a short life span. Because it is only what we make of it until the last two thousand weeks of our lives are up that matter. Can you imagine the average person at forty only has two thousand weeks left of their life? That really changed me when I found that out. Damn I want to be out of the norm and make it to a hundred but not if I am a shriveled up old bag that can't walk and is in so much pain it would feel better to be ran down by a bus doing sixty miles an hour. I don't know.... what is your take on this? what are YOU going to do with your last two thousand weeks?

    I have joined a volunteer organization locally that helps the environment through conservation and education. I am learning new things and how to take measurements of the rising tide and so forth. Maybe when I grow up I can be a forest ranger.

    Maybe a sexy forest ranger that wears daisey dukes and totes a handgun?

    Well in case you haven't heard we are all going to be impacted by the TVA Ash Spill in Kingston Tennessee! So far their only answer (TVA) is a rate hike? That is the best that they could come up with? To jack OUR ELECTRIC bills even higher? Are they NUTS?

    It is a total disaster area from when the dam broke and spilled an arsenic type of sludge into the local water and land surrounding the area of the mine. It is approxamately twenty miles away and didn't affect us much except for high water 12-20 feet above where it normally is. I thought for a brief moment that the deck would once again dissapear into the creek but so far it has remained stationary.

     

     

    I have changed my background and I am trying for a few new acessories for the sites to make them have a little more personal razzle dazzle about them.

     

    I was like a lost moon—my planet destroyed in some cataclysmic, disaster-movie scenario of desolation—that continued, nevertheless, to circle in a tight little orbit around the empty space left behind, ignoring the laws of gravity.
    Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 9, p.201

    well, I'm off to watch Marley and Me.

    Alowan,

    Aho Mitakuye' Oyasin,

     

     

Monday, 28 July 2008

  • Currently Listening: There's a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem: Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

    RIP Professor Randy Pausch-47

    Lulled in the countless chambers of the brain, Our thoughts are linked by many a hidden chain;
    Awake but one, and lo, what myriads rise
    ~Alexander Pope

    Dear Diary,

    Things have been kind of loopy lately. Kind of like a Heyoka. A backward-forward kind of progress. Not sure if it is the planets or the full moon or something totally not related at all but it ended with me calling Friday "Freaky Friday".

    Bills getting paid, buying a few new things for the place to make it look nice. I bought a pretty new Buddha statue. One I haven't seen before. It was on sale at Lowe's for $19.95 in the garden department. Reminds me that it is time to inquire to the heavens about a new teacher. In the last ten years since starting this diary, I have learned a series of lessons. Some the easy way and some the hard way. But they wouldn't be lessons if I didn't learn something from each of them.

    I came up with a beautiful headboard idea for my oriental theme.
    What if I made a large wooden frame and used some bamboo rods going from the bottom to the top of it. That would be really cool.

    Took the time to put up a small fence around the yard to protect the new dog from roaming and from blocking people from getting up to the trailer and getting bit by her or something. I feel much safer knowing that Little Fawn can't run out into the road or get kidnapped while I am at work. Sometimes she would get mad at mom and take off without mom even knowing it so it nipped that in the bud as well. We have some new people in the department but all they want to do is stand around and talk or answer the phone instead of working the freight from the back so nothing is still getting done. I am over it.

    Had to go down the rapids in rubber pants and drag float the deck back up the creek. I don't think it could have gotten there by itself with parts on top of the bridge but stranger things have happened. It is back in one solid piece.
    Much to my surprise the creek really isn't too deep except right in the very middle. Those rubber pants have already paid for themselves. Feels nice to have the day off, even though I spent 3/4 of it in bed completely exhausted.

    Lately Little Fawn has become rebellious and I find myself getting more and more frustrated with her. Possibly we are both short on patience and on time. I did manage to find some black cohosh in a supplement called Oona that stopped my hot flashes. I am glad to finally be able to stop taking the hormones because I have been on them almost four years now. Five ensures breast cancer. That is cutting it pretty close but I couldn't find anything that worked until this product. Damned if you do...damned if you don't....

    I was deeply saddened to learn that Professor Randy Pausch died. Here is what I found on him this morning on yahoo. He will be a lasting legacy to his friends, his family, and his students.

    Here is the lecture url via utube.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo

    'Last Lecture' professor, Randy Pausch, dies at 47


    FROM RANDY PAUSCH'S 'LAST LECTURE'


    -Never underestimate the importance of having fun. I'm dying and I'm having fun. And I'm going to keep having fun every day because there's no other way to play it.

    -Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.

    -No one is pure evil. Find the best in everybody. Wait long enough and people will surprise and impress you.

    -Brick walls are there for a reason. They are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. The brick walls are there to stop people who don't want it badly enough.

    -It is not about achieving your dreams but living your life. If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself. The dreams will come to you.

    -We can't change the cards we're dealt, just how we play the hand. If I'm not as depressed as you think I should be, I'm sorry to disappoint you.

    Yahoo! Buzz

    By Craig Wilson, USA TODAY
    Randy Pausch, the Carnegie Mellon professor who became a YouTube phenomenon with his "Last Lecture," died Friday of complications from pancreatic cancer. He was 47. He died at his home in southern Virginia.

    Pausch told USA TODAY during an interview at his home in March that the now-famous lecture was never meant for public consumption, nor was it for his colleagues or students. It was for his two sons and daughter: Dylan, 6, Logan, 3, and Chloe, 2. "If people are finding inspiration, OK, but the book is for my kids," Pausch said.

    "I knew what I was doing that day," he wrote in the introduction of his best-selling book, also titled The Last Lecture. "Under the ruse of giving an academic lecture, I was trying to put myself in a bottle that would one day wash up on the beach for my children."

    Pausch's wife, Jai, said Friday, "I'd like to thank the millions of people who have offered their love, prayers and support. Randy was so happy and proud that the lecture and book inspired parents to revisit their priorities, particularly their relationships with their children. The outpouring of cards and emails really sustained him."

    The Last Lecture (Hyperion, $21.95) has been atop or near the top of USA TODAY's Best-Selling Books list since it was published in April. This week it is No. 8. It has been translated into 30 languages, and nearly 3 million copies are in print.

    President George W. Bush, touched by Pausch's story, recently honored him in a letter, citing his service to his country.

    "Your love of family, dedication in the classroom, and passion for teaching will stand as a lasting legacy, and I am grateful for your willingness to serve," Bush wrote.

    Bush's wasn't the only accolade that came Pausch's way. He made Time magazine's list of the 100 most influential people in the world.

    Although celebrated in his field for co-founding the pioneering Entertainment Technology Center and creating an innovative software tool known as "Alice," it was his lecture that earned Pausch worldwide fame.

    Titled "Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams," the humorous and heartfelt talk was videotaped and quickly spread around the world via the Internet. Millions of people have since viewed it. It was delivered at Carnegie Mellon on Sept. 18, 2007, a few weeks after Pausch learned he didn't have long to live.

    In the lecture he urged his students and colleagues to live life to the fullest. Among his words of wisdom:

    •"Never underestimate the importance of having fun. I'm dying and I'm having fun. And I'm going to keep having fun every day because there's no other way to play it."

    •"We can't change the cards we're dealt, just how we play the hand. If I'm not as depressed as you think I should be, I'm sorry to disappoint you."

    "Good teaching is always a performance, but what Randy did was in a class all by itself," says Andy van Dam, co-founder of the computer science department at Brown University, which Pausch attended as an undergraduate. "His students responded to him as athletes do to a great coach who cares not only about winning but about the team players as individuals."

    Donations can be made to the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network, 2141 Rosecrans Ave., Suite 7000, El Segundo, CA 90245, or to Carnegie Mellon's Randy Pausch Memorial Fund (www.cmu.edu/giving/pausch), which supports the university's continued work on the Alice project.

    Be well.
    You are loved.

    Aho Mitakuye' Oyasin,

Friday, 18 April 2008

  • Shag-a-delic!

    Arrogance

    Love hath the voice of the storm at night,
    Wildly defiant.
    Hear him and yield up your soul to his might,
    Tenderly pliant.
    None shall regret him who heed him aright;
    Love hath the voice of the storm at night.
    ~Paul Laurence Dunbar

    Dear Diary,

    Yesterday I got into a fight with the newest dumb ass at work. He has thrown his weight around kind of like the stinky shit asses at the old store so seeing the resemblance I blew a gasket and then he shouted something like he wasn't there for me to act like his mother or some shit so then it was on for the whole night. After shift I went right to the main manager and confessed my sins because I am not leaving another job because of some dumb ass. I will have a knock down drag out this time because the job is more important than some stupid idiot.

    Well he got my friend so upset that she started acting like she was going to faint so I took her to go sit down and she wasn't sitting for maybe a minute and began to have a violent seizure. I am glad the manager was back there to help me because when she convulsed it was all I could do to keep her head supported from hitting the floor. Scary shit that is. I called her later to make sure that she was OK and the manager called her an ambulance so she stayed there overnight. I am learning that I always seem to be at the right place at the right time in order to help friends.

    I laid out in the sun today for a few minutes. Sure felt good after being in the cold for the last six months!

    Well, on a lighter note I got to go push carts with him and his friend and that didn't last near long enough because I only got a few good stares in his direction. His friend said that he might have a thing for my blond hair.

    I had a friend ask him if he had a girlfriend and he said yea and I kind of figured that he might be getting bored by the way that he has been glancing in my direction. He is really hot.

    When I look at him I just curl up and cuddle inside.

    OK. But unlike the Little Hottie, that was mostly full of himself because he has boned every girl at the store, this guy has a great smile and a happy personality, so this has confirmed that maybe I am a little bit lonely for some male affection or a date perhaps.

    When he enters the room our blue eyes meet and my friend said it is pretty darned sexy to watch us when we are near one another. Now that I have actually noticed him noticing me I can't help myself but to return the glances with him. I feel compelled to keep looking at him. ok. I want him.

    Like a strange voo-doo on me I tell you! I watch him come into the room.
    I watch him leave the room. I have tried to make an effort to talk to him, even if it is in passing like "hey, are ya stayin' busy?" and stuff. Trying hard not to put my foot in my mouth or turn into a babbling idiot when he is around.. This romance stuff is hard work. See why I gave it up???!!!
    I don't know whether I am coming or going. Stop and stare. back to the truck.

    I decided to look this feeling up on the internet, Right now I think I am in the phase two/adrenalin phase because my heart starts beating faster when he is near as well this funny giggly happy feeling when he comes in the room. Isn't it weird that there is actual clinical phases of love and lust?

    My friend suggested ignoring the girlfriend but I will just wait it out alone and see what happens next. For now my imagination has been working overtime.

    According to studies, there are three phases of love, each of which is driven by a certain set of natural chemicals.

    Stage 1: Lust
    Lust is driven by the sex hormones testosterone and estrogen. These hormones as Helen Fisher says “get you out looking for anything”.

    Stage 2: Attraction
    This is the love-struck phase. People lose their appetite and need less sleep, preferring to spend hours at a time daydreaming about their new lover.
    In the attraction stage, a group of neuro-transmitters play an important role:
    Dopamine - Also activated by cocaine and nicotine
    Adrenalin. Starts us sweating and gets the heart racing
    Serotonin - One of love’s most important chemicals and one that may actually send us temporarily insane!

    Stage 3: Attachment
    This is what takes over after the attraction stage, if a relationship is going to last. It’s the bond that keeps couples together. One hormone in particular is important at this stage.

    Oxytocin
    This is released by both sexes during orgasm (that’s why we feel bonded after having sex), and also at childbirth. The theory is that the more orgasms a couple has, the deeper their bond becomes.

    You can see how nature has created the three phases to enable the continuation of the species. The first phase of lust sends us looking for a partner, the second phase of romantic love narrows our interest to just one person, and the third phase of attachment enables us to stay together, even when the first rush wears off.

    Here are some facts about attraction. We are attracted by:

    Symmetrical face

    Asymmetry in faces can be a sign of underlying genetic problems. That’s why we are attracted instinctively to symmetrical faces. (This applies more to men than to women)

    The hour-glass figure
    Studies show that men prefer women with a waist to hip ratio of 0.7. (You can calculate your own using this formula:

    waist measurement ÷ hip measurement = ratio.

    Someone who looks similar.

    Just for fun, let’s start out this article by doing the following quiz: Print out this article, read the phrases and determine whether they describe "love" or "lust," and then write it on the line at the beginning of the phrase.

    ________ 1. Your heart pounds really fast and you feel like you’re going to explode.
    ________ 2. You can’t eat.
    ________ 3. You look at your sweetheart constantly with puppy-dog eyes.
    ________ 4. You’re so nervous that your palms become sweaty.
    ________ 5. You forget how to talk, sputtering out half-words instead of sentences.
    ________ 6. You want to be with your sweetie constantly.
    ________ 7. When you touch each other, you feel a current of electricity ripping through your bodies.
    ________ 8. You can’t sleep.
    ________ 9. You experience an inability to concentrate on anything, except your sweetie.
    ________ 10. You constantly think about having sex in every place and position imaginable.
    ________ 11. When you touch each other, you feel peacefulness washing over you.
    ________ 12. You want to spend quality time with your sweetheart.
    ________ 13. Your palms remain dry.
    ________ 14. You have a healthy appetite.
    ________ 15. You think about new ways you would like to make love to your sweetheart.
    ________ 16. Your heart beats a little faster and a little light comes on inside of you that makes you feel warmer.
    ________ 17. You look deep into each other’s eyes from time to time.
    ________ 18. You can think clearly.
    ________ 19. You can sleep soundly.
    ________ 20. You talk with a soft, relaxed voice.

    If you guessed the first 10 phrases were "lust" and the last 10 were "love," you were correct. Here are Webster’s definitions:

    LUST: a desire to gratify the senses; bodily appetite; sexual desire; excessive sexual desire, especially as seeking unrestrained gratification.

    LOVE: a deep and tender feeling of affection for or attachment or devotion to a person; a strong, usually passionate, affection of one person for another, based in part on sexual attraction.

    All is well,
    You are loved.
    Aho Mitakuye' Oyasin,

Tuesday, 15 April 2008

  • I got a new job and a new raise!

    !“He that but looketh on a plate of ham and eggs to lust after it hath already committed breakfast with it in his heart”


    ~C.S. Lewis

    Dear Diary,

    What have I been up to lately you ask?

    Well, I have been trying to set up my two friends from work and I think I finally have them going on a semi-date together. I am really excited about it because they are a great vibrational match for one another. I hope things work out for them.

    I met someone that I really like and I am scared to death to even talk to him. I know! It's nuts! I feel like I have been hit by a voodoo spell or something because I can't stop looking at him. He has a nice smile and really beautiful eyes.  I would really like to see him away from work and at work we can't really talk or anything like that while on shift.  I have noticed him watching me a few times during the evenings.  Last night he was really looking.

    To keep the 'other guys' at work away from me I told them that I am happily married and that has kept them at a distance but I don't know, this may keep him at a distance too. drat! Any suggestions? Only $1,500 keeps me away from being a free woman.

    I want a boyfriend that is respectful and nice, someone that likes to cuddle and watch movies. Someone with the same vibrational alignment with mine. And chemistry! Let us not forget that one! Someone that makes me blush when he flirts with me.

    The other great news is I got a raise this week. Completely awesome! Now, I think in another five or so cents I will be making what I did six months ago at the other Walmart on night shift. yayyy me! Not sure why I got the raise but I am really happy about it.

    This week has been nuts at work. I know, when is it ever not nuts but really this is nuts. The one guy they have helping us sometimes breaks half of the freight before it can even get on the pallet. No wonder the bonuses are so teenie weenie. *pout*


    All is well.
    Aho Mitakuye' Oyasin,

Wednesday, 21 November 2007

  • Rising from the ashes

    Dear Diary,

    Today has been a long day. I am really tired from training the computer to recognize my voice. It is an amazing feature. Now I can sit here and dictate my diary all day with out getting a finger cramp. Legend 813 really knows what he's doing when it comes to computers because I have never had so much fun before with my machine. I wish I would have had this technology years ago because who knows what I could've gotten myself into.

    It has been really cold outside and I have had to find all the winter coats. I think I might have left a couple of them behind at the old house.

    There was a storm the other night and the winds were 60 MPH. I was afraid that my tent was going to blown way. When I went outside it was in the neighbor's yard so I had to go get it.

    A guy that was moving gave us a new computer. It doesn't work as good as my laptop computer but it does have word perfect 10 which is a treasure to me because I have eight on disk right now so I am very happy about that. 10 is so much more advanced.

    I have two more boxes filled with books to take two trade and by the looks of it I may have another box full by the end of the week. I have so many books that are new that I don't have the time to read them now. But I can't wait to find the time to look at them all. Some of them I'm going to be keeping for my own reference manuals. There are a few things that I am learning new from some of them.

    Yesterday I had the phone turned back on so that means the internet too! *sweet* because I missed it.

    When my friend Erica moved away she left me her ab machine and I finally tried it for the first time. It was quite an experience. It felt like I had been ran over by a herd of horses. And within two days I could feel my stomach getting tighter. It is the first time I have worked my stomach area since my accident so I am really excited about fitting into thinner pants again. But it is safe to say that I don't plan on using it more than a few minutes per day because I don't like the feeling that my stomach gets afterward right at my surgery area.

    Well it is official, winter has finally arrived. The stores are all decked out in precipitous flow from Santa Claus to candy canes and all the in between. This year I think I am going to make our own Christmas cards to make it more special to send to our friends. I'm not really into the commercialism this year like I have been in the past two years with the old house. This is my first real Christmas in my own home and I am so happy that I'm finally getting what I want out of life.

    Last year we moved here and were moved in by January 15th so we missed all of the fall views of the surrounding trees.
    I am really excited that we got to see it this year.

    All is well.

    Aho Mitakuye' Oyasin,

Ladyhawkwright

  • Visit Ladyhawkwright's Xanga Site
    • Name: Eva
    • Country: United States
    • State: Tennessee
    • Metro: Knoxville
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 9/28/2004

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About Me

  • I am a 40 year old Cherokee and Swedish Reiki Master currently living in Tennessee and I am searching for Enlightenment and knowledge from the great Masters; HHDL, Thich Nhat Han, Zen, Tao, Lau Tzu, Buddha as well as Native American Elders. My original Journal, "Ladyhawk's Lover"/ Hellcat has been on the Deardiary.net Top Ten Diary list for over four years now. I enjoy Meditation both morning and evening with ritual of Hatsu Rei Ho and Yoga Asanas, I enjoy Shamanism, Reiki Healing and the pursuit of Metaphysical studies as well as being a Mentor and Life Coach.

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